Typhoon

Here is a depressing entry I wrote while our power was out...ha

October 21, 2010

“I was happy in my harbor till you cut me loose, floating on an ocean and confused, winds are whipping waves up like skyscrapers, and the harder they hit me, the less I seem to bruise.  And when I finally control, I’ll go where I like, I know where I want to be, but maybe for now I’ll stay right here, on a silent sea.”

This week…I can’t begin to describe how ridiculous it’s been.  We got a typhoon warning Sunday evening.  The typhoon was supposed to hit Monday night at be a category 3 (out of 5).  I was excited, and things seemed to be going well.  We had an adorable kitten, good internet service that allowed us to talk to friends and family and stay connected to the world, a good plan for the next week, a fun trip the week after, and an impending trip to Laoag. 

            We went to Laoag on Monday.  The rain was starting to come and the wind had kept me awake for a long time the night before, but I was still in good spirits.  Laoag was fun, as usual.  We got supplies for our fall party that we had planned for Saturday night. 

            When we got back to Pagudpud, the rain and wind had really started to pick up.  We went down to the beach to look at the waves.  I was just amazed at the sheer power of the wind.  It almost knocked me over.  We walked back to our house.  The sun had set and it was cloudy and dark out.  The sky looked ominous.  The boys went to the market to get dinner supplies and the girls walked to the bottom floor of the church.  The next thing I remember is Emily saying, “Ah!  What’s wrong with the cat??”

I ran over.  The kitten was lying at a funny angle between the heavy open door at the bottom of the stairs and the doorframe.  She didn’t look gruesome, but she didn’t look alive and I don’t really want to go into detail. 

“She’s dead!” I said incredulously as I carefully picked her up and cradled her in my hands.   The wind had blown the big heavy door right on the kitty.  She looked like her neck was broken. 

            Emily ran to get the boys from the market and they rushed back.  The kitty was dead, and there was nothing we could do.  We just gathered around the little body in shock and as we did the lights flickered and the power went out and we were stuck in blackness.  I felt so…low and hopeless. 

            The storm raged all night.  There were winds like I have never heard before and like I never want to hear again.  We had drinking water, but our cooking and bathing water were gone.  Our house is strong and made out of solid cement, but that still didn’t keep me from feeling very afraid and very alone.  I just kept thinking, “Why?” over and over.  And I’m still thinking that.  Our internet was fried after the storm and it’s been hard to not be able to consistently talk to my parents and friends.  Today we were walking on the beach and all of the sudden this wave came really swiftly towards us (the waves have been really big because of the typhoon) and knocked me over into the sand and water.  I lost one of my flip-flops, got some cuts and bruises, and got sandy and soaking wet.  The worst part was that I had my camera (that I am in love with) with me, and it got wet.  I am still waiting for it to dry.  I hope it works. 

            At the moment, I just really want to go home.  I don’t understand where God is, and why he seems so incredibly SILENT about everything.  Everything bad that has happened in the last few days is because of the typhoon.  I do not want another one.  I want Internet and mild weather and my kitty back.  Actually, I really just want to go home to Spokane and hang out with my family and then curl up in my safe, warm bed in my safe, normal house.

            I know I sound very negative right now, but I am just down.  Today wasn’t awful—we went to Coconut Hill to pick up coconuts for the party and that was fun.  Then later I got to talk to my parents and Zach and after that we went to Jamie Argaza’s 18^th birthday party.  Uncle Elly, Pastor Mark, Lizette, Suzette (Elly’s daughters), and I made a card for Jamie and it was nice just hanging out with them.  Elly liked my paints and brushes (thanks to my mom and her artistic-ness I have really nice paints and brushes) and wanted to know if I could get some more.  I am hoping that my mom can pick up a bunch for him. 

Jamie’s party was fun; pretty much everyone we knew was there and there was a lot of laughing and talking and eating.  We had chocolate cake and later played truth or dare.  I really love the people here.  I just wish that I could have these people with me in America instead of me here with them in the Philippines. 

  But, that is selfish and in my “down-ness” and “depression” I often forget why I am here.  And right now I honestly can’t remember why I am here.  But I know that there is a purpose for me and that things will get better very soon.  At least that’s what I tell myself, because I will go crazy if I don’t tell myself that.  Sigh.  Time for another night, maybe it will be better in the morning.  I guess I will just keep praying to my silent God, wherever He may be.  

Land of Milk and Honey

The Church at Blue Lagoon last Sabbath

Well.  Another Thursday night.  Only...28 more Thursdays left.  That's not so bad.  

Heather and I went to the clinic to help today.  There were lots of people there, but not much we could really help with.  Just a lot of mothers getting vitamins for their children.  We did get to ride on the ambulance, though.  Not to anywhere exciting; just to put chlorine in a couple of the wells around Pagudpud.  

While we were at the first well, it hit me how absolutely poverty stricken our town is...or actually, all of the Philippines.  Every house is made from cement.  Some of the houses are finished on the inside, but most just look how a tiny unfinished basement might look.  There is dirt and muck and trash all around, everywhere you go.  The people are always clean, I guess, but most just look poor.  There are children everywhere.  When we first got here, Uncle Elly asked me if I had noticed that there were so many children.  

"Yeah, there's a ton!" I said.  

"In the Philippines we have a saying," he laughed. "When the seas get rough, so do the men."

Well, I guess that explains something.    

We almost got to see a childbirth today, but at the last moment (right as she was starting to push!) the parents of the mother (she was only 17) decided that she should have her privacy.  This makes sense, of course, but it would have been nice if they had decided that before we had waited an hour for the birth.  

This afternoon Uncle Elly came to give the girls painting lessons.  Elly is quite the artist and has done several murals in the church and around town.  We painted scenes on plywood (he said he would graduate us to canvas later) and each of us painted mountains, grass, and hills.  When I asked Elly for advice on my mountains, he contemplated my picture it for a moment and then said: "those mountains are not from here." 

"What?" I said.

"I mean they are not Filipino mountains.  They look like something from Alaska."

Well go figure.  I guess you can take the girl out of the country but you can't take the country out of the girl.  Ha.  

Tonight us SMs sat around the dinner table like we always do and talked about whatever.  We are starting to be less of acquaintances and more of siblings...notice that we seem to have skipped the friend stage.  Not that we don't like each other, because we do, of course.  But imagine how you are with your siblings.  You always love them and trust them, but sometimes they drive you absolutely nuts.   

Sometimes the group is so family-ish it's funny.  We even have a little kitten now that we rescued out of a ditch last Sabbath.   We eat dinner together, have a pet cat, argue over the food, finances, chores, jobs, etc, laugh a lot, make sarcastic comments a lot, get excited about the same events, leave our stuffeverywhere, do our laundry together, and on and on.  If this is how family-ish we are after a month and a half...how are we going to be by April?? Good grief.  

We all still miss home.  We talk about food a lot.  If someone said I could have any item in the world right now...I think I would pick a mall pretzel.  I really do.  A nice salty soft pretzel with cream cheese dip from Auntie Anne's in the mall.   Mmmm.  Or maybe a pop tart.  My mom was supposed to send me some of those but I think she forgot.  Or a nice sugary melty slice of pumpkin pie with whipped cream.  

Anyway, food is a common topic of conversation around here.  

It's funny.  Usually people in America, myself included, act so pity-filled when they hear of or see poverty like this.  But these people don't know anywhere else.  This is their life, it's there reality.  They don't really know about the amazing wealth there is elsewhere, so they don't miss it.  They have the same amount of "happiness" we have in America.  They have a normal day to day life like everyone in the States.  They don't pity themselves or see themselves as poor.  They are fine, they are normal.  It's like the poverty is in our eyes only, because we know what they are missing out on.  However, most of them have a view of America like it is a magical land where there will be no more tears.  They can get jobs there.  They can be rich there.  They can make it big.  We talked to the principal of the elementary school on Wednesday when we were volunteering.  She is a character of a lady, and she smiled when the topic of America came up.  

"Ah yes," she said.  "Here, America is called the 'land of milk and honey'. Did you know that?"

Sunny with a Chance of Heat Stroke

Terra Rica on Saud Beach

Me looking for shells

Philippine countryside

Passing out Pamphlets in our matching shirts

A picture that looks like it could be on ADRA. This little boy is from a very poor family.

So I just checked the weather. Here is the weather forecast for the next 5 days in Pagudpud:

Sunny(Humid) Sunny(Humid) Sunny(Humid) Sunny(Humid) Sunny(Humid)

86 86 87 87 88

And Summer here doesn't actually start until March. Oh good.

Last Sabbath we spent the morning handing out pamphlets. My group was me, Kim (guy SM), Odette, and several other church members. We went up a ways in the mountains, past Pancuin. It was very tropical and pretty, we saw monkeys (they were pets...we gave one a pamphlet, and he promptly ripped it in half) and a mountain dam. On the way back down, we stopped for coke and sticky rice. Odette laughed at one of the other church ladies for eating so much sticky rice. "That's why you're so fat!" She exclaimed. Kim and I just looked at each other incredulously. Like, did she really just say that? But here, calling someone fat doesn't hold the same weight (ha) as it does in the Philippines. It is more like an observation than an insult.

Later, we went to build a bonfire on the beach with a bunch of other AY members (adventist youth). Uncle Elly, Uncle Rizal, Rhea, Auntie Noemi, and Pastor Mark also came. It was completely pitch black out, until we got the beach. The stars were absolutely incredible. It was one of those moments that you wish you could just capture and show it to everyone you know. There were more stars than I have ever seen in my life, and the milky way was so clear. All along the horizon, clouds had gathered and a crazy lightening storm was going on. The ocean was dotted with the lights of fishing boats and looked like something off of Pirates of the Caribbean. The sky looked like a giant dome had been opened; I don't know how to describe it...the world just looked extra round and big and vast. For awhile, everyone just sat quietly around the fire and watched and listened and looked.

There are times here where I feel so alive, and times when I feel so apathetic and lethargic

On the way home from the beach, I rode in between Noemi and Rhea on the motorbike, while everyone else rode with Uncle Rizal. This is when I feel alive, when I am riding through a dark, warm Philippine evening, with the wind blowing in the hair. This is when I feel like I am on an adventure, when I feel like I am living in some crazy, amazing life. I wish I could keep that high. Really, I was just a white girl sandwiched between two Filipinos on a motorbike. We probably looked like an Oreo rolling down the street.

Many things happened this week. We went to our first Necrological service (a viewing of a dead person's body before the funeral). It was an experience, and the body looked....well, especially pickled. We went to Laoag and saw Despicable Me in the theater ($2.50!). We all walked out of the theater kind of dazed...it felt so American and normal being in an air-conditioned theater again, it felt like we should just walk back out into our regular lives. We celebrated Justin's birthday at Saud beach, and Odette's birthday at her house, where we were served Fungus Stew and hot pink cake and got to watch an American movie on TV. Heather and I got to listen to a fetus's heartbeat and watch a tooth be pulled today while we were volunteering in the clinic. It was blazing hot today (as always) so us girls went and played in the ocean for awhile. I found a really sweet looking dead crab on the way back with really long red-striped spindly legs. I stopped by Rhea's house to show it to her, and she promptly told me it was poisonous. Oh good. Later, the boys made dinner: mashed potatoes, beans, grapefruit, and vegetables, and now here we are. Thursday night. Another week has almost gone by.