Every Slow Day

Today we went to Laoag again. I always jump at the chance to go to Laoag because it means we will have something to do; it puts us into some action and helps get our minds off stuff.

I almost enjoy the ride to Laoag more than the city itself. It just gives me time to think and watch the world go by. Maybe I just like the feeling of being in a car again. I am starting to recognize landmarks that we pass...the restaurant billboard that advertises "unlimited rice!" instead of "unlimited fries!", the goats and cows along the side of the road, and the Filipino version of speedbumps (little fences put up in each lanes that force you to slow down to go around them, like an obstacle course).

Laoag was busting as usual. We saw white people in the mall today, which was exciting. I have never been excited to see another white person before. I also hit my head on things hanging from store ceilings as usual. I tower over everyone here, even the other SMs. And no one will let me forget it. Emily and I each got a cute pair of Sanuk flip-flops, mine are purple because it was the only decent color they had in my apparently gargantuan foot size. I feel like I'm living in a miniature world; everything is made for smaller people here. Even the sandwich I got at KFC today was maybe half the size of one in the US. It was accompanied by about seven fries, and I am not exaggerating. I suppose it's good that they serve smaller meals. Maybe we should adopt that.

I splurged today and bought essential supplies to get me through the next couple weeks: a toblerone bar, a can of pringles, some grapefruit juice, and a little sample box of ritter chocolates. Yum. They will go nicely with my rice.

Tomorrow the doctor is supposed to come for the day. We were supposed to prepare the clinic as best as we could...which wasn't that much. We swept the floors and finished some inventory and tried to sterilize some instruments. (boiling water for 1/2 hour and bleach? Does that sound right? We didn't really know what we were doing...) I hope it goes okay. I am kind of nervous.

It has also been week of prayer this week, which means I get to play the piano for their hymns. Or maybe more like slaughter the piano for their hymns. But they don't seem to mind too much, which is good news. I suppose it's good practice.

I guess I am kind of writing a lot tonight, but it's a good way to keep my mind off other stuff. I have a headache. I miss my friends and my family and Gracie my dog. I miss burritos and macaroni and cheese and sandwiches. I miss Daisy and my cell phone and I miss the grass in front of my house. I miss Walla Walla and American Eagle and even Home Depot for crying out loud. I am tired of people staring at me anytime I go anywhere. I am tired of not being able to go anywhere by myself. I am tired of the sun, I'm tired of the rain, I'm tired of the ugly warty frogs that jump around the compound at night. I am tired of dwarfing everyone around me. I am tired of not being able to understand anything anybody else is saying and I'm tired of waking up in the morning and realizing that I am still here and missing America so much that it just kind of hurts. I wish I had never taken anything for granted! I wish I had enjoyed every trip to wal-mart more, every cold afternoon and every snowy, foggy morning. I wish I had just soaked it all in, because now I don't have any of it and I wish I did. I wish I had enjoyed my winter clothes more and relished nights when I actually needed blankets to stay warm. If anyone reads this, please, just enjoy whatever you are doing. Because imagine what it would be like if you didn't have it, at all. I am lucky because someday, hopefully, I will have all the American stuff again...but that seems like so far away.

I guess it sounds like I am complaining and not appreciating it here, but that isn't true. I am slowly growing to like it, or at least tolerate it. It comes and goes. The people are nice, and the weather is hot. I got the summer I wanted. I have friends here. I have a beach. I guess contentment is really not about things, huh? It's something inside your head, instead, I think. Now I just have to figure out how to get it.

"When you try your best but you don't succeed, when you get what you want, but not what you need...when you feel so tired, but you can't sleep...stuck in reverse. Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones. And I will try to fix you." -Coldplay