Typhoon

Here is a depressing entry I wrote while our power was out...ha

October 21, 2010

“I was happy in my harbor till you cut me loose, floating on an ocean and confused, winds are whipping waves up like skyscrapers, and the harder they hit me, the less I seem to bruise.  And when I finally control, I’ll go where I like, I know where I want to be, but maybe for now I’ll stay right here, on a silent sea.”

This week…I can’t begin to describe how ridiculous it’s been.  We got a typhoon warning Sunday evening.  The typhoon was supposed to hit Monday night at be a category 3 (out of 5).  I was excited, and things seemed to be going well.  We had an adorable kitten, good internet service that allowed us to talk to friends and family and stay connected to the world, a good plan for the next week, a fun trip the week after, and an impending trip to Laoag. 

            We went to Laoag on Monday.  The rain was starting to come and the wind had kept me awake for a long time the night before, but I was still in good spirits.  Laoag was fun, as usual.  We got supplies for our fall party that we had planned for Saturday night. 

            When we got back to Pagudpud, the rain and wind had really started to pick up.  We went down to the beach to look at the waves.  I was just amazed at the sheer power of the wind.  It almost knocked me over.  We walked back to our house.  The sun had set and it was cloudy and dark out.  The sky looked ominous.  The boys went to the market to get dinner supplies and the girls walked to the bottom floor of the church.  The next thing I remember is Emily saying, “Ah!  What’s wrong with the cat??”

I ran over.  The kitten was lying at a funny angle between the heavy open door at the bottom of the stairs and the doorframe.  She didn’t look gruesome, but she didn’t look alive and I don’t really want to go into detail. 

“She’s dead!” I said incredulously as I carefully picked her up and cradled her in my hands.   The wind had blown the big heavy door right on the kitty.  She looked like her neck was broken. 

            Emily ran to get the boys from the market and they rushed back.  The kitty was dead, and there was nothing we could do.  We just gathered around the little body in shock and as we did the lights flickered and the power went out and we were stuck in blackness.  I felt so…low and hopeless. 

            The storm raged all night.  There were winds like I have never heard before and like I never want to hear again.  We had drinking water, but our cooking and bathing water were gone.  Our house is strong and made out of solid cement, but that still didn’t keep me from feeling very afraid and very alone.  I just kept thinking, “Why?” over and over.  And I’m still thinking that.  Our internet was fried after the storm and it’s been hard to not be able to consistently talk to my parents and friends.  Today we were walking on the beach and all of the sudden this wave came really swiftly towards us (the waves have been really big because of the typhoon) and knocked me over into the sand and water.  I lost one of my flip-flops, got some cuts and bruises, and got sandy and soaking wet.  The worst part was that I had my camera (that I am in love with) with me, and it got wet.  I am still waiting for it to dry.  I hope it works. 

            At the moment, I just really want to go home.  I don’t understand where God is, and why he seems so incredibly SILENT about everything.  Everything bad that has happened in the last few days is because of the typhoon.  I do not want another one.  I want Internet and mild weather and my kitty back.  Actually, I really just want to go home to Spokane and hang out with my family and then curl up in my safe, warm bed in my safe, normal house.

            I know I sound very negative right now, but I am just down.  Today wasn’t awful—we went to Coconut Hill to pick up coconuts for the party and that was fun.  Then later I got to talk to my parents and Zach and after that we went to Jamie Argaza’s 18^th birthday party.  Uncle Elly, Pastor Mark, Lizette, Suzette (Elly’s daughters), and I made a card for Jamie and it was nice just hanging out with them.  Elly liked my paints and brushes (thanks to my mom and her artistic-ness I have really nice paints and brushes) and wanted to know if I could get some more.  I am hoping that my mom can pick up a bunch for him. 

Jamie’s party was fun; pretty much everyone we knew was there and there was a lot of laughing and talking and eating.  We had chocolate cake and later played truth or dare.  I really love the people here.  I just wish that I could have these people with me in America instead of me here with them in the Philippines. 

  But, that is selfish and in my “down-ness” and “depression” I often forget why I am here.  And right now I honestly can’t remember why I am here.  But I know that there is a purpose for me and that things will get better very soon.  At least that’s what I tell myself, because I will go crazy if I don’t tell myself that.  Sigh.  Time for another night, maybe it will be better in the morning.  I guess I will just keep praying to my silent God, wherever He may be.